Dec 13, 20233 min read

Temple of Knowing

"To live would be an awfully big adventure!"

Peter Pan (1953)

"To die would be a grand adventure!"

Hook (1991)

Last night I dreamt about a gigantic tree that grew through the middle of a densely populated city.

My home, along with a handful of others, were completely demolished.

This morning I heard a story about a composer who bought a light house to compose from. While looking up more information, I fell into an adjacent hole in which composer Mark Korven demonstrates eerie sounds for the fantasy horror, The Lighthouse (2019). At one point he pulls out a primitive hurdy gurdy, and I don't know in what world that wouldn't be keen. And just to lend creedence, there's a giant hurdy gurdy featured in Hieronymus Bosch's Garden of Earthly Delights' soundtrack to hell. I didn't think I would ever be hailing the glory and terror of the hurdy gurdy at 6:00 AM, but I am ever impressed with my ability to surprise myself. I've also stumbled upon ultimate shoegaze: a psychedelic wave of transcendence featuring this jewel of an instrument. Which will probably maintain as my soundtrack for the rest of this entry considering each song is about 40 minutes.

How it began: "To the lighthouse: Acclaimed composer Errollyn Wallen on how sea views have transformed life and work"

How it's going: "Ethereal buzzing and screeching sounds."

Acquiring a lighthouse has moved up on my list.

At the beginning of the month I stopped signing onto social media with the intention of spending that time differently. I deleted the apps from my home screen so I wouldn't mindlessly sign on. The only difference I've experienced is feeling a bit disconnected with what's going on in the world. With my disorganised concept of time, it almost feels like I never had it to begin with, and I wonder how that might continue to play out. I enjoy seeing the synchronicity throughout social media and am often inspired by the content I follow. However, I am enjoying this feeling of being siloed as long as it lasts. I am prone to getting lost in my own world, and this experience is really amplifying it.

Last night, I spent some time thinking about my intentions for the new moon. I want to use the rest of this month to the best of my ability. Creatively, my goals are to finish putting this website together, write, and get some more paintings done before the year's end. I have been trying to better recognise and work with my own patterns. I am trying to figure out what works best for me, because there are times when I am far more focused and creative, just as everyone experiences. Do I take advantage of that time to do the deep work and put my energy to use most efficiently? And I have trust that those waves will keep showing up, and I'll be able to recognise them when they arrive? Will I be able to work when the time arrives? Or do I practice and maintain consistency? If my focus isn't there, I wonder if I should try and force or train it.

I don't know the answer to those questions yet in terms of creativity, but I hope I'm moving towards it. I think it's more important for me to maintain consistency at this point, because I am trying to form habits. Having the goal of consistency will get me farther along my goals- even if the product isn't exactly what I'm looking for all of the time. I am currently learning how to best support and work with myself on many levels. I am also allowing for a lot of mistakes which is playing a huge part in my willingness and patience for working with myself. I think much of my life has been spent working really well with others but not necessarily extending that to myself. I am actively trying to change that, and I expect writing will really help me in cultivating this new relationship. I've approached creativity with ritual in the past but not routine, so I'm working on adjusting to a new dynamic.

I'm also waiting for a return email from the Captain Planet Foundation, hopefully it's good news.